Golly, How Truth Will Out
How does a person get to be a capable liar? That is something that I respectfully inquiar, Because I don't believe a person will ever set the world on fire Unless they are a capable lire. Some wise men said that words were given to us to conceal our thoughts, But if a person has nothing but truthful words why their thoughts haven't even the protection of a pair of panties or shoughts And a naked thought is ineffectual as well as improper, And hasn't a chance in the presence of a glib chinchilla-clad whopper One of the greatest abilities a person can have, I guess Is the ability to say Yes when they mean No and Now when they mean Yes. Oh to be Machiavellian, Oh to be unscrupulous, oh, to be glib! Oh to be ever prepared with a plausible fib! Because then a dinner engagement or a contract or a treaty is no longer a fetter, Because liars can just logically lie their way out of it if they don't like it or if one comes along that they like better; And do you think their conscience prickles? No, it tickles. And please believe that I mean every one of these lines as I am writing them Because once there was a small boy who was sent to the drugstore to buy some bitter stuff to put on his nails to keep him from biting them, And in his humiliation he tried to lie to the clerk And it didn't work, Because he said My mother sent me to buy some bitter stuff for a friend of mine's nails that bites them, and the clerk smiled wisely and said I wonder who that friend could be, And the small boy broke down and said Me, And it was me, or at least I was him, And all my subsequent attempts at subterfuge have been equally grim, And that is why I admire a suave prevarication because I prevaricate so awkwardly and gauchely, And that is why I can never amount to anything politically or socially. The Pig The pig, if I am not mistaken Supplies us sausage, ham and bacon, Let others say his hear is big-- I call it stupid of the pig. Adventures of Isabel Isabel met an enormous bear, Isabel, Isabel, didn't care; The bear was hungry, the bear was ravenous, The bear's big mouth was cruel and cavernous. The bear said, Isabel, glad to meet you, How do, Isabel, now I'll eat you1 Isabel, Isabel, didn't worry. Isabel didn't scream or scurry. She washed her hand and straighter her hair up, Then Isabel quietly at the bear up. Once in a night as black as pitch Isabel met a wicked old witch. the witch's face was cross and wrinkled, The witch's gums with teeth were sprinkled Ho, ho, Isabel! the old witch crowed, Ill turn you into an ugly toad! Isabel, Isabel, didn't worry, Isabel didn't scream or scurry, She showed no rage and she showed no rancor But she turned the witch into milk and drank her. Isabel met a hideous giant, Isabel continued self reliant. The giant was hairy, the giant was horrid, He had one eye in the middle of his forhead. Good morning, Isabel, the giant said, Ill grind your bones to make my bread. Isabel, Isabel didn't worry, Isabel didn't scream or scurry. She nibled the zwieback that she always fed off, And when it was gone, she cut the giant's head off. Isabel met a troublesome doctor, He punched and he poked till he really shocked her. The doctor's talk was of coughs and chills And the doctor's satchel bulged with pills. The doctor said unto Isabel, Swallow this, it will make you well. Isabel, Isabel, didn't worry, Isabel didn't scream or scurry. She took those pills from the pill concocter, And Isabel calmly cured the doctor. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T9zN6jE2yUQ |